Up until the past 2 years, I always wanted to be like my friends and be involved with someone/be in a relationship/boo’ed up (lol), whatever you want to call it. I had a few – all of which were toxic – and as I look back on those failed relationships, the bottom line is that I was not ready.
For starters, I was not in a place mentally to take on someone else’s baggage because I had a trunk load of my own. Unfortunately, I was also empty emotionally and spiritually and now I realize that people treated me exactly how I treated me. Out of my mouth, I said that I loved me but I failed to show it. So yes…I was played and wasted time blaming them when they had my permission to treat me that way.
Once I began to look at the [wo]man in the mirror and come face to face with the little girl in me who was hurt, then and only then could I begin the process towards healing. All this time, I longed for a relationship with someone when I should have been developing one with myself.
Moving forward, I believe that my next relationship will be a great one. (Besides, I have more to offer than just my good looks! *winks*) In the meantime, I am enjoying my “me” time and have realized how crucial a healthy relationship with self is before entering into one with another person. Here’s my breakdown:
|Relationship with Someone||Relationship with Self|
|Spend time with that person, nurture and treat them well by going on dates and enjoying each other’s company.||Spend time doing things you like; join a gym or workout with friends; find your purpose. Get manicures and pedicures on the regular. Have some “me” time (read a good book, go to the spa, etc.)|
|Speak kind words. You would let that person know that you care about them.||Would you talk bad about your significant other? Then don’t do it to yourself. Only positive words allowed. You have to love yourself in both words and actions.|
|Cook for them||Cook your own meals and pack lunch. You’ll save a bunch of cash and you can reward yourself with a new outfit or pair of shoes!|
|You’re consistent.||If you say you want to meet on Friday evenings for scones and tea (a girl can dream right??), then you’d make sure nothing interferes with that time. This same premise applies to your personal time. That time is set aside by you AND for you, so don’t let anything or anyone sabotage it.|
|Buy them things||Buy yourself some new workout gear, dvds, and/or books to help you in your journey; book a vacation and have some fun in the sun!|
It was through hard times and trials that I learned a valuable lesson. The lesson was “Be careful of how you treat yourself. People are watching and they follow your example.” As I close, I’ll leave you with a question…what kind of example are you giving?
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