Pain and Guilt | My 7 Stages of Grief With PCOS

Have you ever lost something that was priceless? Maybe you have even lost a loved one.  The 7 Stages of Grief are often associated with a significant loss in life, particularly through death.  Although upon first glance it may seem a bit morbid to compare being diagnosed with PCOS to death for me and the thousands of other women who went through the diagnoses, it definitely feels akin to a major loss in life.  Of course you do not actually die, some might even say “you should be thankful”.  I actually agree wholeheartedly.  That doesn’t negate the fact that being diagnosed with PCOS changes your life forever.  There are so many life changing symptoms and side effects of PCOS a woman can’t help but feel, at first, that her life will never be the same after diagnoses.

After experiencing the “Shock and Denial”   around my PCOS diagnoses.  I eventually slipped into guilt, shame, and blame around my body and health.  I began to question what I had done or what karmic energy I had put out to cause me to be “cursed” with PCOS in my life.  It didn’t make any rational sense to me, because I didn’t understand how or why PCOS had chosen my body.  So I assumed that it must have been something that I had done to bring it into my life.  When I looked in the mirror and saw the 50 pounds on my body that I had gained within a year, the dark rings on my neck, the unwanted hair growing quickly on my skin,  and the skin tags popping up incessantly, I felt ashamed.  It HURT!  I was past denial and the reality of my health situation had begun to set in.  I could no longer deny what was going on with my health, because my body was speaking LOUDLY through numerous symptoms and it refused to be ignored.

So there I was, a woman in my early twenties and I was full of negative emotions around my body and health.  I was overwhelmed with thoughts of guilt and regret.  “Why didn’t I go to the doctor’s sooner? Maybe they could have stopped this.  Maybe I could have gotten treatment to get rid of this.  Why didn’t I notice this earlier? Now it’s out of control”.  The pain and guilt that I felt towards my own body and self were taking over my entire life and relationship with my body.  I sought relief and ways to numb the pain.  Unfortunately, being young and confused, I tried to alleviate the pain in ways that were additionally toxic to my life:  unhealthy relationships, overeating, high risk and unsafe partying.  My body hate and self hate were in charge of my behaviors and I was acting with subconscious intentions to destroy myself.

I didn’t have anyone to coach me through the process or to help me navigate my feelings and emotions.  I didn’t know that I was not to blame for what was happening in my body.  I didn’t know that PCOS wasn’t the end of my life and that it wasn’t a “death” sentence to my future as a woman.  I definitely didn’t know that the emotions I was feeling were perfectly normal and a part of processing my life change in a healthy way.  I certainly didn’t know or believe that I would ever get to the point of making peace with my own body, taking charge of my health, and thriving in a loving relationship with my body and self.  Because back then (circa 2000) supportive resources were not available to me.  But if you are a woman who is living with PCOS today support is available to you!

Read The Next Phase of My 7 Stages of Guilt With PCOS: “Anger and Bargaining“

As a woman who has lived with PCOS for over a decade and overcome the potential war with my own body to embrace a healthy, loving relationship with body and self… I am here for you!  Although I learned a lot through my own journey with PCOS, I didn’t stop there.  I took the initiative to become formally educated as a Health Coach, by the world’s largest nutrition school, so that I could be fully equipped to help women like myself successfully  navigate PCOS and body image.  There are so many voices and opinions in regards to PCOS, health and weight, that it can be overwhelming to handle alone.  You don’t have to do it alone. Let’s talk about how I can help you! 

Have you been diagnosed with PCOS?

Do some of the symptoms sound familiar to your own body journey?

Do you know someone who has PCOS and needs support?

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